I know this may be controversial, but self-help should not be a long-term solution.

What I mean by “self-help” is the billion-dollar industrial kind…the podcasts, the books, the endless systems and theories…hell, perhaps even this blog post!

Before you jump down my throat, I’m not actually saying seeking self-improvement is wrong – cmon, that would be hypocritical. There is so much great wisdom out there, and so many helpful exercises that have changed people’s lives in a real way. There is definitely a role the “self-help” industry plays…

But perpetual consumption without action is not “self-help”, it’s just more noise.

This is not a post about the efficacy of the self-help industry, but about our relationship to it.

I have been asked on multiple occasions to give my recommendations on favorite podcasts or books to help people push themselves to the next level. My response is “none”…they should listen to themselves.

Hear me out.

If consumption was enough to illicit real change, then more of us would be living fulfilling and happy lives. But that’s not the reality.

Here are 4 reasons why “self-help” isn’t actually working for us:

Reason #1: We’ve become self-help junkies

These days, “self-help” is sold as easy to digest sound bites, momentary glimpses into what we could be, temporary highs of inspiration that fades just as quickly.

We’re more addicted to how self-help makes us feel about ourselves, than actually creating a longterm and sustainable solution for ourselves.

My definition of a “self-help junkie” is someone who voraciously consumes endless hours of content to give themselves the temporary illusion of actual change. It feels so good because it seems like we’re “doing something about it” without actually intentionally creating a system to follow-through on any of it!

Key word = follow-through.

If you look at actual behavioral changes of “self-help junkies”, it does not correspond to the number of hours spent reading books, watching documentaries, and listening to podcasts.

So, what’s wrong with learning about how others are achieving success / happiness / fulfillment? 

Absolutely nothing. I’ve read my fair share of business and spirituality books….

But use it as a tool, not a crutch.

Just as you wouldn’t keep looking for a hammer after you’ve already nailed in your frame….if you find what works for YOU, stop wasting your time and energy continuing the search for another hammer. It works, move on.

Reason #2: We want personal growth to be quick and painless

I’m sorry to break it to you, personal growth is not easy. 

At best, the self-help industry can relieve some hardship or give you systems that can assist…but they can’t do the work for you. It can be less-painful, but not pain-free.

If your goal is to actually create REAL change in your life, you have to shift your mindset away from self-help to self-exploration.

In a “help” mindset, you’re seeking answers from external sources in order to be told what to do. You want an easy recipe to replicate to achieve the same desired outcome as so-and-so. This will never work because you’re a unique person.

An “exploration” mindset, is one with a bias towards action…trial and error. There’s no way to explore without action. This mindset requires you to leverage ideas and inspiration from self-help content only as tools to explore YOUR OWN mind, emotional responses, triggers….in order to create an inner map of who you are.

A map that leads to your inner wisdom, intuition and voice.

To practice the “self-exploration” mindset, you have to spend more time actively practicing these theories than just passively consuming. Doing the work is uncomfortable, it’s awkward, and it takes bravery and inner strength.

But that is the price of real evolution.

Reason #3: We’re not dedicating enough time to do the WORK

We all heard of the 80/20 rule right?

Applying it to our long-term personal growth, we should allocate NO MORE than 20% of our time consuming “self-help” content in order to find a few ideas and theories to test drive in our own lives.

The remaining 80%+ of our time should be dedicated to experimenting and trying out what works for us.

In the process of practice, we might find a better solution or discover something more effective for us…but we won’t know until we actually try.

To put it into practical terms, for each piece of self-help content you consume, you should take away 1 idea for you to test-drive in your own life for a week – a 1:1 ratio. After the week, if it works…keep going for as long as it’s working for you. If not, try something else.

The bottom line, if you’re not spending enough time actively practicing and listening to your own responses, you will never develop the ultimate self-help tool….a connection to your own intuition.

Reason #4: We’re forgetting the SELF in “self-help”

Your personal evolution isn’t one-size-fits-all. 

Remember that other people’s version of “success” is not your version of success. Their version of happy is different from your version of happy.

Only YOU know the answers to your own life.

Spend some time exploring who you are through reflection (journaling/meditation/time in nature), being bored, and sitting within the uncomfortable silence of your own mind.

We’re so quick to fill the silence with external noise (yes, even self-help) that we end up shutting down our inner voice who’s trying to help us.

….No, not the voice that’s guilting you. The voice of kindness, the softer voice of love and support…the voice that shows up for your friends and family. THAT one.

Our intuition is a perfectly calibrated, foolproof self-help tool, made especially for us…….because it IS us. No amount of external information could ever compete with that.

TLDR;

If you’re not using the self-help industry to make you more aware and curious about exploring your OWN wisdom, and putting it into PRACTICE, then it’s time to step off that “self-help” train and stand still with yourself for a while-